The Triumph from a Failed Relationship

She was eighteen years old. For both of us, it was our first serious relationship.

We were sure it would last forever. Ten months in, we failed.

How the breakup changed my life for the better:

Certain people fall into long lasting cycles of depression following a breakup. Not me. Mine only lasted a few weeks. Determined to prove my sense of worth and show that I was better without her, my new outlook on handling the breakup provided motivation to improve my own sense of self.

I signed up to join a few groups. APP State Club Shows, Habitat for Humanity, Exercise Science Club, and a bible study group. Each day I would meet new people, form friendships, and improve my social skills. Seven days a week I attended the gym, lifting for ninety minutes per session. My diet improved, incorporating fruits and vegetables into nearly every meal. I began to attend church regularly for the first time in my life. Lastly, I began reading “self-help” books.

I was taking every effort to improve my mental, physical, and spiritual self. I didn’t realize, however, that these efforts for self-improvement were for the wrong reasons. I wanted her jealous.

How dumb, I’d later realize.

I hadn’t yet improved myself because the motivation to improve stemmed from someone other than me. It seemed as if I was on the right track to recovering from the breakup. On the inside, however, I was nervous wreck. These measures were taken to ignore the underlying problem. Why was I struggling to move on? Why did I care so much what she thought?

I soon met progress in my self-improvement, but in a most unusual way. It occurred once I dropped all the clubs I had joined. It occurred when I started scaling back my time at the gym. The reason was simple: I was living life for myself. No longer did I put her, or anyone else, before me. The problems that developed out of our relationship stemmed from my deep-rooted feelings of inadequacy without a girl by my side. I needed to find happiness within myself, without the help of others.

The experience taught me a valuable life lesson. To be in love can be a wonderful experience. However, it’s destined to fail if you can’t first love yourself, by yourself.