Bruises

“These bruises make for better conversation
Loses the vibe that separates
It's good to let you in again
You're not alone in how you've been
Everybody loses, we all got bruises
We all got bruises”

I was in the middle of getting ready for my day, with the radio blaring, when all of a sudden I heard one of Train’s newest songs “Bruises” begin to play.

For a while now, or at least since I went and saw them in concert this past summer (I attended for Gavin Degraw, my favorite artist, but the two were touring together), I began to listen to their songs more frequently. This song in particular, brought back a memory of a revelation I experienced a few months prior…

My first girlfriend had yet to do more than kiss a guy before we ever started dating.

Weird to mention, right? Trust where I'm headed, and continue reading.

The thought of knowing this, I liked. I didn’t want to imagine her with anyone else prior, and for that reason alone it gave me piece of mind knowing I was her first.

For my second girlfriend, it was somewhat different. I was her fourth or fifth boyfriend, I honestly can’t remember. I knew early on I wasn’t going to be that special someone she shared her first time with. I didn’t like the idea of her having have been with other guys beforehand, and this train of thought would soon prove naive on my part around the time of this new revelation.

This “revelation” I keep mentioning, refers to a moment in which I began to look back on my relationship between both these girls and the comparisons I made between them.

I remember noticing how the girl I first dated would crave the attention of guys who so much as gave her a glance. If they came on to her she would get excited, and many times I called her out on it (yes, she would even do this during the relationship, with me beside her at times).

She once told me that in high school she had received little attention, and it wasn’t until the year before that her looks started to receive any attention at all. So what happened?

She met me early on, during her “blossoming phase,” and we settled into a relationship.

Truth is looking back on it I don’t think she was ready for the commitment, yet. The attention was new to her and she needed to experience some of it and get it out of her system before she settled down with me, or anyone else for that matter.

For my second girlfriend, the thought of her with another guy would upset me at times. I couldn’t stand to think that she may have loved another guy at some point in her life. She too would claim to have the same thoughts about me and girls I had been with prior to her at times. Therefore, I felt justified in my reasoning for these negative thoughts.

However, her feeling the same as I served as no means for validating my irrational thoughts on this matter.

It wasn’t until one night, as I lay awake in bed, I remember thinking how odd it was that my second girlfriend (the one with more experience) could be less receptive to the guys who would come on to her during our relationship.

…Then it hit me.

I realized something that should have been so obvious beforehand.

Why would I want a girlfriend who has never experienced love before? Why date a girl who has never shared a kiss with another guy, or sex, or anything similar to the two for that matter? At least that girl could then have gone through those emotions, known how it felt to be in love, and could better process whether or not if I was Mr. Right for her.

My second girlfriend knew what it was like to date guys who treated her poorly, or at least at times that’s how it was described. Therefore, she knew what we had between us had been something special.

Girlfriend number one probably thought what we shared was typical, and nothing special beyond the average relationship.

For myself, I look back to the lyrics of the song “bruises” and it reminds me that these so called bruises help to influence and shape us into better individuals, both inside and outside of relationships. Because as we all know, after a breakup we each take away lessons learned that ultimately make us stronger and better individuals as we move into the next part of our lives.

Afterall, when a bruise forms it often can be associated with pain. We learn from what causes this pain, and do better to avoid it in future instances.

Eventually we become better at finding what we are looking for, in both ourselves and in the opposite sex.

Therefore, I would hope that the next girl I enter into a relationship with would have had some experience beforehand. I want to know, if it were to work out, that it’s because she knows we have a good thing going for the two of us and how it isn’t typical, or the norm, as one might expect for a first time. But on the other hand, don’t misquote me and interpret this experience with other guys as a prerequisite for entering into my next relationship but more so something I’ve learned may be beneficial in helping to create a lasting relationship later on down the road.

Point is we all have bruises (metaphorically speaking) from our past relationships, and all other experiences that are a part of life for that matter. Each experience helps us to grow as a person.

Eventually the bruises will heal, and once so we discover a stronger sense of self.